Friday, April 30, 2004

Oh yea Mr. Mann tells me that he quit his safety net of a job over at the channel to pursue his dreams of expanding his company. I wish you the best of luck darling!
I went out with the chicks last night at the cosmo spot and we were sitting around bringing everybody up to speed about the goings on. LOL. We were talking about this friend that "we" collectively inherited. OMG! This is the same girl that will leave an urgent message on your voice mail and be like I just wanted to say hi. She is cheap, and a coward and hopefully after last night, the two nice ones in my click will have had enough of her shit and boot her. HOPEFULLY!

So earlier that day I speak with Mr. Mann. He called me when I was in the mall with White Bread on Wednesday and I was avoiding his calls because he has been really spastic lately. When I was in the mall he must have called me about 10 times, no lie, ask Bread if you don’t believe my g to the a to the m to the e! After I get home I call him back all pc like, "oh I got your message I think you were trying to call me". LOL. So he called me yesterday and I'm like "oh you can’t return phone calls?!?". LOL. I'm terrible, I know. He's like I needed you but you weren’t there so I went off and did my thing. Ummmm, ok. He asks what's up for the night and I'm like I'm going to the cosmo spot with the chickies (which happens to be in his area) then he tells me he is going to like an amusement restaurant on Long Island with his boy. Knowing he has plans I tell him he should stop by the cosmo spot cause it's in his area. But he does just what I plan and says that he can't because he is pressed for time and he needs to roll out. Cool I did my part. Fulfilled my quota if you will and I know you will. So there is a spades game tentatively planned for tonight also with Blaze at my second home (lol what up FJ if you ever read this!) and Butter is like yo since you are going to be in my area causing mass hysteria you should stop by. Ok so now I'm over booked. Fuck it!

Now I need a ride to link up with the chicks because parking is horrendous in that area, but my brother is being a bitch ass nucca. So I take the car and pick up my other home girl. We get to the spot and it's four of us talking. Then Bread comes in and we start to cause even more ruckous. LOL. What did you expect? Did I mention that we have limited cell phone service in this basement? Mind you Butter is waiting for me at his house cause I told him I would pass by there and check him. I wanted to be out of the spot by 11. We weren’t. Bread bounced early and set it off. Then we all go to the coat check to get out jackets and as we are walking out and being rowdy I see this cutie as I am walking out with my girls. As I get closed he starts to walk towards me and calls my name at the same time my girl White Max is like yo why that nucca look familiar. Why the fuck was it Mr. Mann. This dude was like you I came to see you and I have been calling you off the hook. Mind you I had no service. He is like I left you a message telling you how I didn’t appreciate you telling me you were gonna be somewhere and then not show. So I tell him I was downstairs the whole time and he is like I see that I wonder why I didn’t see you (probably cause you was fucking scheming on me!). He is like well I came and I’m bout to be out. I ask how long he was there and he tells me 20 min. He walks me to my car and I’m like I have to bounce and we kiss and I speed off into the moonlight.

Then I go to Butter's and I'm like the spades is about to start do you want to go or do you want to chill here for a bit. He's down so we roll out. We get to the house and he seems madd uncomfortable. He was so shy it was adorable. He didn’t want to kiss me and was madd frigid. By the time I was done with that motherfucker we were making out. He even played a hand. Naturally I rush him out to get him home at a respectable hour and I also have to take my girl home. I flew down the BELT doing 85 mph. Fuck that I wanted some QT with my Butter. He is so fuckin cute. The sad shit is when I am through with him it will be like it never happened. But I digress. LOL. So I fly back from my hood to his to get him home and find out that I forgot that he doesn’t work on Fridays. Fuck me! So we are in front of his crib hanging out and chatting having a grand ole' time and he has something on his mind. I start to press him for it and he shrugs me off. But you know me I always get what I want. So we start up a session and (he is soooo cute) he tells me that the worst part of the night is kissing me at the end because there is not enough time. Awwwwwww. So a pimp ass nucca like me was like that’s why you have to start to kiss me earlier! Dayum that end of the night bullshit! LOL. So we are making out and he finally spills the beans. He is like the sessions with you get me so excited that I want more and I am trying very hard to control myself. See I tell motherfuckers that my shit don’t stink. I tell them that I am the motherfuckin bomb. Do they listen? NO. So me again being the pimp ass nucca that I am I was like maybe we should call it a night I wouldn’t dream of putting you in a compromising position (like with my legs on your shoulders!). Sorry Butter! Better luck next time. You have to wake up pretty dayum early in the morning to fool a bitch like me.


Wednesday, April 28, 2004

So Butter and I go bowling Monday night and we had a blast.

We had tentative plans to go out but he wanted to go out at 7pm. WTF? I’m like dogs I wont even be home by then. We settle on a later time. So when I get home I call him and there is no answer. I leave him a message and sent him a text (covering all my bases). He texts me back 30min later. I’m like what’s good? He wants to bowl local and I’m like no way. I wanted to go to the city. He tells me that he will meet me there and I’m like hell to the no come pick me up. He is making madd excuses and I’m to the point like do you want to go or not because I will go without you. Why should we take two cars in the rain and look for two parking spots and fuckin double everything. I’m like I have no problem picking you up but when we ride out there will only be one car. This stubborn bastard finally gives in and is like ok so I go and pick him up.

I wanted to take the youngin to the Monday Night Spot but he waits till the last minute to tell me that he has to be at work at 8am. Nice! So there was a change of plans. We couldn’t go to the local spots cause by the time I picked him up it was 11pm (Pass his bedtime). We go to the 24-hour bowling spot and we had a blast. He beat me in every fucking game that we played. There was this one game that it looked like I was going to win and he comes from behind and beats me by 1 point. The score was 111 (me) to 112 (him). I was tight. Then he has the nerve to taunt me and rub it in. My kind of man. LOL. At one point we were bowling and I hit a strike. I was like I did so good that you should give me a kiss for that. Mind you my intentions were honest. So he leans in to kiss me and I give him my cheek. That was nice and sweet right? Apparently not because why did your man say “I liked the way you tossed you cheek in front when I moved in to kiss you. That was real smooth.” I was like “oh, well you can always kiss me again.” So he leans in and gives me a tap kiss. It was sooooo nice. We were playfully flirting all night. We were obviously there together but we were so playful that people (read: the tons of fine guys that were in there) couldn’t tell what Butter and I was to each other.

After a while I decided to call it a night because he did have to be at work dumb early in the am. So we bounce and I was playing my karaoke music in the car to torture him. It worked. LOL. We get in front of his house and we are talking and bull-shiting around. I tell him that I am gonna kick him out of my car for his own good and that he should be happy that I obeyed his curfew. LOL. He was pissed.

As I was tossing him out he was like “dayum! Can I get a hug or something?” I was like ok so I leaned in to hug him. I tried to pull away but he does this thing where he doesn’t want to let me go. So I’m like can I have my torso back? I need it to drive. LOL. As we break apart he leans in to kiss me. This mofo is madd tall like about 6’1 so he has to do madd leaning to reach my little ass. So we are having the only make-out session in my car in front of his house on this rainy night. How old school (read: high school)! The session breaks and he is like “what's our status?” I’m like “huh”. He tells me:

“what's our status.”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“I want whatever you want”
“ahhh, so you aim to please?”
“if that’s what you want”
“I didn’t say that’s what I want. I said what do you want and you said you want whatever I want. Which means that you want what I want and that will make me happy. Which will make my experience more pleasurable. So you aim to please.”
“LOL. Yea that.”
“well what did you have in mind?”
“I’ll take whatever you throw at me.”
“friends. More than friends. Whatever.”

The kicker is he is showing his age because no guy I know would ever ask a question like this. What normally happens in my experience is that the people involved will ride it out for whatever its worth and toss it when it is done or goes bad. That’s my philosophy anyway. But that wasent the kicker. The real kicker is that while we are having this conversation he is looking down the whole time, madd timid and I am holding back the laughter because I can never figure out how I get into these types of funny ass situations.

“I see. Well you are very cute.”
“Thank you.”
“well I shouldn’t call you cute. I should say that I am you are very attractive and I am attracted to you. So we can probably be more than friends. Aight?”
“that’s cool”

So we go back to making out and I start to laugh at the image of him in my mind looking down asking me to put a title on our relationship. So my laughter breaks the session. He is like what the fuck is so funny. LOL. I’m thinking fast so I say, “my family is full of short people and when I opened my eyes I saw your knees rubbing the paint off the dash because you are so tall and the seat wont go back any further. Lol. That’s some funny shit!” He starts to laugh and my ass is covered. Wheeeeeewwwww! Lol. We start a new session and we are really going at it in the car. He is kissing me on my neck and all types of shit but at the same time it was very pg-13 (if you can believe that). So he is working my neck out and he is like:

“I want you to be my girl, ok?”


“I’m like what? You don’t want to date me. Trust me”
“why not”
“cause I’m dangerous”
“I like danger”
“I’m trouble”
“I like trouble”
“what do you mean by that?”
“what trouble?”
“that I’m wild and crazy”
“oh word. Do you want to come upstairs?”
“lol. Nice try. Not that wild and not that crazy. Lol”
As he lingers in my car we talk about music and stuff and he tells me that he doesn’t want this night to end. Awww. How sweet. He is such a chulo! We kiss for a little while longer and then I peace him out. As I am driving home all I can think about is ‘yo I think I just got a boyfriend’ WTF!

Only me!


Monday, April 26, 2004

Did I mention that Butter is sooooo hot? I did? Oh ok. Just checking.
Ahhhh...............I can't believe it's not butter.

Butter and I went out Thursday night. We were supposed to go to the movies with my peeps but their communication is not the tightest and plans fell through. So then it was only supposed to be Butter and I (sans friends). He can't make the show time (which is the last one on a week night). So I go to the movies alone. (holding back the tears. LOL.) After the movie I link up with Butter, who is with his boy (I didn’t want to send his friend home incase Butter was lacking personality (wack)). We went to a 24-hour pool hall (god I love NYC) and played pool till about 4:30am. Then when we left we were drag racing with each other up Atlantic Avenue. He races dirty. He cut in front of me at the red light. I'm still tight about that! When he gets in he calls me to find out where I am and if I made it ok. Awwwwww. How tweet!

I was gonna go out with him on Friday but I thought about it and was like nah. I felt like it was over saturation. He is also so nonchalant that I am like ok we are having a good time but is he feelin me? Hmmmmmnnnnnn. I live in the mall and I know that he works weekends at the mall in a certain department store with a softer side so when I was in the mall Saturday I steered clear of that bitch. I didn’t want the mofo to be like awwww why she at my job and shit. Cause I would give that nigga a reality check in a hot minute. So we are texting each other and he does not know that I am in the mall. I just told him that I was shopping with and for my friends’ daughter who is in from Philly. We were texting back and forth for a hot minute and then it stopped. I assumed it was cause he got busy. He texts me back and is like “are you still having fun” and I’m like “no. I’m leaving the mall now”. He’s like, “why didn’t you tell me anything we could have linked up”. Oh word? Sounds good to me. If I was dolo I would have gone back and check him but since I had the chirrens I was like let me be the good role model and shelter them from this worldly behavior. LOL. Then he calls me as I am leaving the kids birthday party and is asking about how I’m doing. Well alright, well ok. This is what I’m talkin bout! Then I go home and prepare for the b-day club outings and he calls me again. Yummy! I had to meet the girls at a friends house and he lives in that neighborhood so I’m thinking, being the pimped out chick that I be, I’m gonna call Butter and be like “yo, I’m going out tonight but I want to see you before I leave”. Smooth right? Hell to the yea. So I call him and he doesn’t pick up. Not good. I bounce to go to my girls’ house. When I get in the area I call him and he is like:
“what up”
“are you still in the hood”
“no I’m on my way to BK to roll with the fellas. Why”
“well I’m in the hood and I wanted to see you before you left”
“dayum, why you aint say nuthin”
“well I left you a message and told you to call me back”
“why didn’t you mark the message urgent” (I hate marking messages urgent if they’re really not. I have a girlfriend that does this and I want to fuckin kill her!)
“awww. It’s all good boo. It’s not that serious to be marking messages urgent. When I chopped my arm off and need a tunicate then I will leave you urgent messages. LOL”
“LOL. True, true”
“well have a good time babe and I’ll link up with you some other time”

So that was a nice dialogue, right? I thought so. Must have been cause Butter called me at like 1:40pm Sunday telling me that we are going out tonight. I’m like ok. I’ll call you back with the plans. Well why did I commit myself to my girlfriend two weeks ago and told her I would be the second driver with her to take her daughter back to Philly. Awww shit. Now Butter is sooooo fine. I’m like “mann, what the fuck!” I am not the type to back out on a friend though and I knew she was tired so I called Butter and had to cancel. He has the nicest lips. The things I could make that boy do with those lips is obscene! Tell a friend to tell a friend!

Oh yea, Mr. Mann calls me too. I had spoken to him earlier in the week and told him about the club outings. He was like call me and let me know. Then I spoke to him on Friday and he was like I’m gonna be out and about later and if you are on the scene we should link up. I’m like ok, but I was tired and didn’t go anywhere. He was texting me off the hook all night. He calls me Sunday and is like:
“what up”
“aint shit. What are you doing”
“how was last night”
“it was ok. Some of the spots were pumpin, but others weren’t. it was a 50/50 type of night”
“oh so you went out”
“I texed you”
“oh yea. That was Friday. I didn’t get that till 6am”
“why didn’t you call me yesterday and let me know what was good”
“oh well I told you about it but since you didn’t call I figured you were doing your own thing”
“that’s fucked up you didn’t call me. i was waiting for your call. I wanted to see how long it would take for you to call me”
“excuse me”

Now I’m thinking what the fuck was all that about? I haven’t spoken to him since he did a shafty job (If you get my drift). Oh well.

So we go to PA and on the way back we have a party to go to. We are driving like hell on the turnpike and as we get off the ramp to go from the turnpike to the Holland Tunnel we skid and hit the embankment. Thank god everyone was ok, but the car wasn’t. The tire was flat. There was no real damage to the car. But we needed a tow truck to change the tire cause my girls jack is jacked. LOL. Good thing I wasn’t driving. For real! She calls everybody she can and no one can help so I break out the big guns. I wake my dad up at 2am and tell him to call AAA. Those mofo’s were there in like 20min. My dad rocks. After that it was a wrap. We went home. It was much safer that way. LOL.


Thursday, April 22, 2004

I've got 5 club b-day parties to attend Saturday. Talk about spreading yourself too thin. LOL.

I never really realized how many April babies I know. I thought everyone's birthday was in October cause that's what it seems like, but no, there all in April. So yesterday "the girls" went on a day of beauty. We had out hair done, nails, feet, and full body massage. Then we went to the hood spot to eat and it was karaoke night. Oh what fun. I was being a party pooper and wanted to go home cause I was tired but these trifling hoes wanted to stay in the damn restaurant the whole night. LOL.

Why did we sing Karaoke? You know we cant sing right? Well everyone does now too! We did "Love Shack", "I Love Rock and Roll" and "Killing Me Softly". Oh yes, There was a lot of alcohol involved. How did you guess?

There was also this fine as hell dude in there. I was eyin his ass hard core. So After a few songs (and drinks) I'm like what the hell. But I also told myself don't stare. Staring is impolite. Then my dude gets up and starts to rap. The motherfucker sounded good to.

Ahhh.....there was my opportunity! When he was done I was like come here. He comes over and I'm like you were very good. He's like thanks you guys were too. So I'm like what's your name. He's like BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I told him I was going to change his name. I was going to start calling him "Lipps" but I think I'm gonna start calling him "Butter". Butter will be with me Saturday.

Another one bites the dust!


Friday, April 16, 2004


I hate Omarosa!!! I know that any kind of publicity is good publicity, but I can't stand her low down, dirty and under-handed tricks. Kwame should have won that job on "The Apprentice", not Bill. OMAROSA YOU SUCK!!!

crabs in a barrel, it never fails.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Well when it rains it pours! My computer died the day before yesterday. My best friend who is a computer genious is out of town and wont be back to fix it for a few months. Dayum, dayum, dayum!!!!

So will be trying to sneak away and surf on my parents Dell until they get hip to me and shut me down. Which I suspect is coming soon. Run fo your lives!!!!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

I have been feeling strange for a while now. I wanted to do something with myself, but what? I was at an all male review a couple weeks ago and I saw the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. She was ghetto fabulous with her shoulder length hair in a ½ ponytail, the tattoos on her arm, and her girl’s basketball jersey. LA Clippers. Her complexion was pearly, but she was clearly mixed. A black and latino mix I guess. Her lips were so succulent. They were full and round. I saw myself kissing her wildly. Her hair in my hand, pressing down against her mouth. Whewwwwww. I had a lot to drink that night. So much so that I was going to approach this woman and tell her that all I could think about was kissing her. Maybe if she were responsive, I would let on that I would like her legs wrapped around my head. I was really trippin. Since I was clearly inebriated my girlfriends, in the dark to my secret thoughts and desires, ushered me out of the venue and into the limo. Needless to say I spent the rest of the night vomiting my heart and soul. So much so that the limo took me to my car and one of my girls had to drive it to my house.

Every since that night I have had thoughts of that girl. Her and I, spending the day together talking and laughing. Spending the evening sucking and fucking. I have only had a crush on one woman my entire life. Gina Gershon. Oh my god, I am getting hot just thinking about her. My friends know that I think she is pretty in a “non gay way” and they tease me all of the time. Not knowing that if we were alone together I would probably do some things to her that my parents probably wouldn’t be proud of. Oh Gina! The strange thing is I get hit on by girls all of the time. I politely decline every time. Never giving anyone a second thought. I also am very detached from relationships. I am a total and complete dog without the gratuitous sex. I was in a monogamous relationship for 4 years when I slept with Mr. Mann. No guilt. My relationship fell apart 3 months later and I didn’t even see Mr. Mann for the 3 months. LOL. How weird is that. I meet him, fuck him, he forgets my birthday (which I hear from my girlfriends this is to be expected. It’s a male thing.), I stop speaking to him, he makes an effort to apologize and redeem himself and 8 months later I fuck him again. Not your normal behavior. I’m not your average girl.
I place an ad on a message board for someone to accompany me to an all girl party (if you know what I mean) and from all of the responses I pick someone to go with me as friends. I pick this girl up and we chat for a while about out experiences. She is a lesbian and I am a virgin to “the life”. We get in to the club and it is not what we expected. There is a very white crowd. I didn’t have a problem with it, I just wanted to hear hip-hop and r&b. Call me a stickler! So we are talking about what types of girls I am attracted (fems) to and then SHE walks by. This was a gem! She had on a tan Mecca hoodie, baggy blue jeans and a tan skullie with the brim. Her hair was straight and flowed down beautifully. She was butch. What the fuck. This ruins my plans because I can walk down the street with a soft, sensual woman and we will be perceived as girlfriends. If I walked down the street with her we will automatically look like lovers. My family will never go for that. They are religious to the max. So that is a no go. My new friend and I spent the night keeping tabs on this girl like we were the feds. LOL. We also made a new friend who just wanted to hang out. My friend’s girlfriend comes in and they leave me dolo. Which is not a problem. Just a little strange for my first time. You know. So at the end of the night we see her sit down by herself. OMG! My friend tells me to go and hit on her, but I am way too shy. What will I say? What if her girl comes over? What if I’m not her type? I muster up my courage and go and talk to her. Her name was Adriana. She was very beautiful. Fair skin, straight hair, and nice teeth. We sat and talked for a while and she told me she was there with her mother. HUH? Say word her moms was gay. This was getting too crazy. We were talking and then she leaned in and kissed me and……………..NOTHING! I couldn’t believe it. I thought I would have butterflies or something. Maybe she was too masculine for me. But fuck it! We made out until closing time and she told her mom she was leaving with me. She wanted to make sure her mom was ok. I swear her mom gave me a dirty look. She lives in Queens. I asked her if she was hungry. We were going to a diner, the local hood spot. Now that I’m thinking about it that probably was not the best idea. I would have been “outed:” for sure. She sees McDonalds and begs me to stop. She wants chicken nuggets and fries. We are probably not going to the diner. We have to use the bathroom. She pees in MickeyDee’s parking lot. WOAH! I go to a friends to use the bathroom and leave her in the car. When I come back I scare the shit out of her cause she is putting her all into a convo with her ex. The same ex that she told me she went to jail for assaulting (read: domestic violence). She tells me that she is from Connecticut and her sister is in a mental hospital there for drug addiction. Her sister is 17. She wants to eat me out and I’m like fuck it. But we keep talking and she tells me she is 19 and on penicillin for the next 10 days. I decide for my first experience this was cool and I can look back fondly. I take her home. The night was wild enough for me. The sun is out and I am sleepy. This is enough for one night. A Saturday well spent.


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